Thursday, June 17, 2010

Created To Be His Help Meet

-Part II-
Three Types of Men

Debi Pearl depicts three different types of men in chapter eight. We're only going to look at one of them in this post.

Debi compares the three types of men to God's triad nature. I personally did not see this connection when she describes what these types of men are like. We will see shortly how she describes the first of these three types of men.
  • 3 Types of men = God's triad nature (according to Debi Pearl)

Here are those three types of men.
  1. Mr. Command
  2. Mr. Visionary
  3. Mr. Steady
We're going to look at Mr. Command today.
(Pg. 77)

Mr. Command is described as,
  • strong
  • forceful
  • bossy
  • low tolerance
  • will not yield
  • controlling
  • self sufficient
  • boastful (pg. 79)
To me, these descriptions just don't give the Command Man a good reputation. To be known as bossy, boastful, controlling and forceful...I mean, who would want to even be near this man? While reading on the Command Man I didn't see her mention many good qualities about him.

A Command Man that has gone bad and abuses his wife is not at fault - the wife is!

"A Command Man who has gone bad is likely to be abusive. It is important to remember that much of how a Command Man reacts depends on his wife's reverence towards him. When a Command Man (lost or saved) is treated with honor and reverence, a good help meet will find that her man will be wonderfully protective and supportive. In most marriages, the strife is not because the man is cruel or evil; it is because he expects obedience, honor, and reverence, and is not getting it. Thus he reacts badly." (pg. 79)

I agree that your husband does deserve respect, honor and reverence...but even if he's not getting it, there is NEVER a reason to be abusive physically or emotionally. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church.

Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"

It seems to me that Debi describes the Command Man as unapproachable. In the points she gives for the Command Man she describes him as a man that will not do household chores, won't engage in casual conversation, and will not comfort the sick or hurting. (pg. 79-80)


Mrs W said...

My interpretations of Debi Pearl's ideas about men:

Command Man = BULLY
Visionary = FREELOADER, lives off of everyone else.
Steady = LAZY and can't make decisions in a timely manner.

Anonymous said...

Good post! I agree with your assessment, and with your view of abuse: It's amazing just how much of it Debi Pearl counsels for other people to deal out (to their children) and put up with (from their husbands).

Eight said...

...Man who has gone bad is likely to be abusive...

It doesn't matter what 'kind' of man or woman abuses their spouse or loved ones. That's *it* and should not be tolerated, as hard as it is to walk away.


Eight said...

P.S. Good post and I hope you and Kloe are doing well!

Caelem said...

Mr. Command is described as,

* strong (Matthew 5:5)
* forceful (Ephesians 5:21)
* bossy (Matthew 11:29)
* low tolerance (Philippians 4:5)
* will not yield (Philippians 2:5-7)
* controlling (Galatians 5:23)
* self sufficient (Galatians 6:2)
* boastful (1 Corinthians 13:4, b)

So where does Debi get off thinking someone can have this myriad of character traits and still call themselves a Christian, and say they love their wives like Christ? It's an open invitation to be as obnoxious as possible because "God made you this way," not because you have a sinful nature that's only interested in yourself and dying to it takes too much work.

Kristi said...

Good gracious. Everytime I read anything from them I find myself shaking my head and rolling my eyes. LOL I was given this book when I got married and read just a little bit before putting it down and never picking it back up. I know there are SOME good things in it, but there are some really FAR OUT IN LEFT FIELD things too and I would never give anyone their books. Especially if I wasn't sure they weren't spiritual enough to know the difference and be deceived by things.

And you know, my dad was a victim/witness detective and advocate for the County Police Department for years and sometimes a woman provoked her husband into abusive fits. And then sometimes it just didn't matter how good of a wife she was, she was abused because he was a jerk. Period.

I am SO GLAD to see you doing this series, Krsitina. Way too many people put too much trust in the Pearls and praise them way too much too. And in my opinion, they are more DISaligned with Scripture than aligned. Warning signs all over them!!


deb said...

Good article and I love your points.

One thing that stands out to me is that the Pearls are actually disrespectful of men. It sounds as if they view men as fragile creatures who needs the constant praise of someone. I agree that husbands and wives should support one another but sometimes we need our spouse to tell us that we are acting inappropriately.

Blue said...


I know this is an odd thing to say, but as someone with a very different lifestyle from yours, I want to express my sincere admiration and appreciation for your work. You and your husband seem like a wonderful couple and through your blog you seem like an interesting, thoughtful lady. All to best to you both and to the baby :)

Jessica said...

My, my, it sounds like she thinks that as long as your nice to a man like that they will be nice to you.... that is not true. If someone is bossy, controlling and all those other things she described... all the "niceness" in the world isn't going to change them.

~Rebecca~ said...

I don't understand Debi's opinion of men... she seems to act like a martyr.

Sure, you gotta treat your guy with respect, but we ladies deserve respect too!

PRAISE GOD my Fiance is a godly man who treats ladies with high respect!!

Jen said...

I haven't read any of the Pearls' writing on marriage, but their parenting/discipline views are disgusting, scary, and downright abusive. They openly advocate beating infants and toddlers with sticks (on the legs) or pulling the hair of a nursing infant. Honestly, if that's how they treat babies, I have no interest in anything else they have to say. They disgust me to no end.