Created To Be His Help Meet

-Part II-
Three Types of Men

Debi Pearl depicts three different types of men in chapter eight. We're only going to look at one of them in this post.

Debi compares the three types of men to God's triad nature. I personally did not see this connection when she describes what these types of men are like. We will see shortly how she describes the first of these three types of men.

• 3 Types of men = God's triad nature (according to Debi Pearl)
  

Here are those three types of men.

1. Mr. Command
2. Mr. Visionary
3. Mr. Steady

We're going to look at Mr. Command today.
(Pg. 77)

Mr. Command is described as,

• strong
• forceful
• bossy
• low tolerance
• will not yield
• controlling
• self sufficient
  
• boastful (pg. 79)

To me, these descriptions just don't give the Command Man a good reputation. To be known as bossy, boastful, controlling and forceful...I mean, who would want to even be near this man? While reading on the Command Man I didn't see her mention many good qualities about him.

A Command Man that has gone bad and abuses his wife is not at fault - the wife is!

"A Command Man who has gone bad is likely to be abusive. It is important to remember that much of how a Command Man reacts depends on his wife's reverence towards him. When a Command Man (lost or saved) is treated with honor and reverence, a good help meet will find that her man will be wonderfully protective and supportive. In most marriages, the strife is not because the man is cruel or evil; it is because he expects obedience, honor, and reverence, and is not getting it. Thus he reacts badly." (pg. 79)

I agree that your husband does deserve respect, honor and reverence...but even if he's not getting it, there is NEVER a reason to be abusive physically or emotionally. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church.

Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;"

It seems to me that Debi describes the Command Man as unapproachable. In the points she gives for the Command Man she describes him as a man that will not do household chores, won't engage in casual conversation, and will not comfort the sick or hurting. (pg. 79-80)

The Pearl's and No Greater Joy - Introduction

I have found the information to be too much to put into one post, so I will be doing what I think will probably be a bi-weekly to monthly posts. I have found several resource both for and against. I have taken the Bible and compared with what I have found and have come to my conclusion. My information will come from personal opinion, websites and friends who have either had contact with the Pearl's or who have read their books.

My first topic will be on their book...

"Created To Be His Help Meet"

I have read this book from cover to cover and have discussed it in detail with my husband. We both find parts that we STRONGLY disagree with, along with some parts that we agree are good advice (that was few and far between).

• It's ALWAYS the woman's fault.

In one letter a woman is writing asking for help because her husband is having an emotional affair with his secretary. Debi Pearl writes her back and basically tells her that it's her fault that he is showing his secretary the attention. The advice she gives is this...

"God has provided for your husband's complete sanctification and deliverance from temptation through you, his wife." (pg 29)

In my personal opinion, a man is a man...he has a flesh that will get tempted...it's up to HIM what he does with it. Yes there are times when it is the wife's who almost pushes him into having an affair, but a man has a mind of his own and ultimately- the decision is his.

"If you want to keep your man and the father of your children, you are going to have to forget about your rights as a wife and forget his Christian obligation to his vows." (pg 30)

That husband made those vows to his wife, "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer"...it's his responsibility to hold to those vows as it is for the wife as well.

There are TOO many examples of it always being the woman's fault to give all of them. Debi Pearl implies in this book that no matter what happens in a marriage - it's ALWAYS the woman's fault. As if the man has no responsibility for his own actions at all.

• ALWAYS give your husband sex whenever ever he wants it.

In her book, Debi tells wives that no matter if you are in the mood, if you are still recovering from your previous intimate evening, or whether you aren't feeling well (i.e. headache) that it it your responsibility that absolutely no matter what if your husband wants you, then he gets you. End of story. She calls reason listed above "excuses" for why they would "rather not" or why they "cannot respond" sexually. (pg 163)

She says - "Her husband knows in his spirit that her excuses are just that: excuses for not wanting him. (pg 163)

"When a woman just "allows, cooperates, and tolerates," it leaves a man feeling sick at heart." (pg 163)

"A woman is a fool to believe her own excuses or to think she can convince him that what she says is the truth." (pg 164)

"By not obeying God in this area of sex and love, a woman is putting a terrible curse on her husband. When a woman forces a man into that position, it is the equivalent of a man saying to his wife, "You are a stupid, ugly, lousy wife, but I will still be a good husband and kiss you today." (pg 164)

Debi says that to not give your husband sex is to blaspheme God. Now, don't get me wrong...God created sex and intended it to be something between a man and his wife. But I don't believe that God has a problem with a wife that doesn't feel good physically, or that just can't at that time. And I personally believe that if your husband demands it and takes it regardless, it's rape!

To keep this post from being too long, I will sum it up with a quote from a friend of mine, Mrs. W that read it and this is what she had to say about it -

"Honestly, I read Created To Be His Help Meet twice, once before I got saved, and once right after. I thought I might be more receptive to it after I was saved. I tried living exactly as the book described, and it was the worst thing ever for our marriage. My husband hated it and said that he didn't want a woman who did this. He married me because I was a somewhat sassy, passionate woman with a brain of my own. Don't get me wrong, I believe in submission, I just think that Debi has the wrong idea."

All in all, if you think you can read this book and get some good advice without adhering to the bad, go for it...but be VERY careful!!! I personally would never recommend this book for any young lady that is not married due to the sexual content that is in the book.

There will be more info to follow on "Created To Be His Help Meet" at a later time. I thought this was plenty for right now.