Chapter 2
Tenants of the
Second Royal Law of Courtship
Part III of VI
"By the grace of Almighty God, I will arrive at
the marriage altar morally pure."
5. Understand the importance of "pacing" a relationship. This is essential in helping you arrive at the altar pure and chaste.
In order to properly pace a relationship you need to answer these questions:
a.) What is the safest age a serious relationship should start?
b.) What would be the best time marriage should be considered?
c.) At what pace should a relationship move so that it will peak in intensity no earlier than the proper timing for marriage?
I am going to offer here some practical advice based on Bible principles, common sense and over twenty years' experience working with teenagers. Some parents allow their teenagers to ride the romance roller coaster. Many let them start in junior high school or even before, allowing them to become involved in one dead-end romantic relationship after another. These "practice relationships" leave young people emotionally scared and vulnerable. Please consider the following suggestions.
a.) Spend your high school years serving the Lord, making friendships and preparing yourself for your future.
b.) Do not get into a serous boy-girl relationship during your high school years. When you graduate from high school, you should have all your options open. There will be an enormous difference between how you look at life on the day you turn sixteen years of age and how you view it on the day you turn twenty-one. Your view of yourself, of others, of God and of what is truly important will have gone through a dramatic change. I personally believe that most young people would be wise to wait until the end of this six-year period before pursuing a serious relationship.
c.) Most romantic relationships peak in intensity within a two-year period. What I mean by that is, after two years, you have exhausted every level that a proper relationship can rightly achieve and are ready to be married! If this is true, why start a serious relationship five years before you should be married?
If you do not properly pace your relationship, you will peak before you should and one of the following things will happen:
a.) You will get married before you should.
b.) You will break up with that person out of frustration.
c.) You will continue forward into areas intended to be developed after marriage.
None of these three leads to personal happiness, so exercise patience during your teen years. Let little steps be big ones. Enjoy all phases of your life. Build many friendships during your teen years and leave it up to God to develop one of these friendships into something more in His time and according to His perfect will.
6. Have a game plan.
Age 13-18: "I'm not going to get caught up in riding the romance roller coaster. God has someone He is preparing for me, and during these years I will prepare for that special one."
Age 18 and beyond: "The time has come for me to prayerfully consider other dedicated Christian young people as a possible partner for life. I will rely heavily upon the counsel of my parents and the Holy Spirit's leading. I refuse to get in too big of a hurry. I will begin preparing to accomplish what God has directed me to do. When God leads me to this one, I will pray for great wisdom in pacing our relationship so that we both enjoy each step as God turns our friendship into divine love."
In order to properly pace a relationship you need to answer these questions:
a.) What is the safest age a serious relationship should start?
b.) What would be the best time marriage should be considered?
c.) At what pace should a relationship move so that it will peak in intensity no earlier than the proper timing for marriage?
I am going to offer here some practical advice based on Bible principles, common sense and over twenty years' experience working with teenagers. Some parents allow their teenagers to ride the romance roller coaster. Many let them start in junior high school or even before, allowing them to become involved in one dead-end romantic relationship after another. These "practice relationships" leave young people emotionally scared and vulnerable. Please consider the following suggestions.
a.) Spend your high school years serving the Lord, making friendships and preparing yourself for your future.
b.) Do not get into a serous boy-girl relationship during your high school years. When you graduate from high school, you should have all your options open. There will be an enormous difference between how you look at life on the day you turn sixteen years of age and how you view it on the day you turn twenty-one. Your view of yourself, of others, of God and of what is truly important will have gone through a dramatic change. I personally believe that most young people would be wise to wait until the end of this six-year period before pursuing a serious relationship.
c.) Most romantic relationships peak in intensity within a two-year period. What I mean by that is, after two years, you have exhausted every level that a proper relationship can rightly achieve and are ready to be married! If this is true, why start a serious relationship five years before you should be married?
If you do not properly pace your relationship, you will peak before you should and one of the following things will happen:
a.) You will get married before you should.
b.) You will break up with that person out of frustration.
c.) You will continue forward into areas intended to be developed after marriage.
None of these three leads to personal happiness, so exercise patience during your teen years. Let little steps be big ones. Enjoy all phases of your life. Build many friendships during your teen years and leave it up to God to develop one of these friendships into something more in His time and according to His perfect will.
6. Have a game plan.
Age 13-18: "I'm not going to get caught up in riding the romance roller coaster. God has someone He is preparing for me, and during these years I will prepare for that special one."
Age 18 and beyond: "The time has come for me to prayerfully consider other dedicated Christian young people as a possible partner for life. I will rely heavily upon the counsel of my parents and the Holy Spirit's leading. I refuse to get in too big of a hurry. I will begin preparing to accomplish what God has directed me to do. When God leads me to this one, I will pray for great wisdom in pacing our relationship so that we both enjoy each step as God turns our friendship into divine love."
Copyright 2004
by Ultimate Goal Publications
All rights Reserved
(Permission given by Author)
by Ultimate Goal Publications
All rights Reserved
(Permission given by Author)
1 comment:
I really enjoy reading this. It helps me keep things in perspective with my own daughters. Too bad I didn't read these when I was young.
Post a Comment